Happy Hanukkah Jokes Riddles Puns: [ Chanukah Jokes & Puns 2017 ]

Happy Hanukkah Jokes Riddles Puns: The Hanukkah is the time when everyone is busy. They are busy with various things like gearing up for the Hanukkah , making new resolutions that are meant to be broken the next year, arranging the much-awaited party for a Hanukkah and so on. Amongst all this hustle bustle another aspect that keeps you engaged is wishing people on the Hanukkah Day 2017. In this article we are going to share some stuff like - Happy Hanukkah Jokes, Hanukkah Puns, Chanukah Jokes Puns, Hanukkah Jokes one Liners, and Hanukkah Jokes and Riddles. This is very interesting Jokes and Riddles. So, enjoy this holiday with our Funny Hanukkah Jokes Short.

Happy Hanukkah Jokes Riddles Puns
Happy Hanukkah Jokes Riddles Puns

Happy Hanukkah Jokes Riddles Puns


In case are you looking for Wishes or Jokes for Happy Hanukkah 2017? Then, yes, across the world, people are known to wish each other at the onset of the Hanukkah. Now, this wish can be exchanged in form of cards, telephonic conversations or in the form of animated images. Another interesting way to send “Season’s Greetings “to your near and dear ones is by sending GIF messages. These GIF messages are the latest way of wishing one another. These GIF’s are enthralling and can be exchanged via various platforms like what’s app, snap chat, Facebook, I phone message and so on. You can get Hanukkah Jokes for Adults and Offensive Hanukkah Jokes from here.

#1. “Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What's Hanukkah?" John asked.
"It's the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."
"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What's wrong? Where's your present from last night?" asks John.
Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."”

#2. “10. No roof damage from reindeer.
9. Never a silent night when you're among Jewish loved ones.
8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it.
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocolate coins) on candle races.
6. You can use your fireplace.
5. Spin-the-dreidel games.
4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah.
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth.
2. Cheer optional.
1. No Irving Berlin songs.”

#3. “My mother once gave me two pair of gloves and a two ugly sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one pair of each.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"”

#4. “Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbour's windows, Nathan asks his father, 'Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?'
'What? No, of course not.' says his father.
'Why not?' asks Nathan again.
Bewildered, his father replies, 'Well, Nathan, because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness.'”

#5. “Levi  was thinking about life and asked God how much a penny was worth in heaven because he was always told “A penny for your thoughts.”
God said, “One million dollars.”
Levi  asked if time was the same. It wasn’t.
Levi asked, “How long is a minute?”
God said, “A million years.”
Levi thought about it and said, “God, can I have a penny?”
God said, "Sure, in a minute."”

Happy Hanukkah Jokes and Riddles


#6. “Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go. I'm not getting any younger" button.
Year 2000 problems are replaced by "Year 6000" problems.
Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Dreidels".
Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.”

#7. “Instead of a “Start” button, it would say “Hurry Up, Already.”
Your screen saver would have flying dreidels.
It would shut down automatically on Friday night, which was also casual Friday.
If your computer dies, you have to throw them away within 24 hours.”

#8. “Mary goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards and she says to the cashier, 'May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?'
The cashier says, 'What denomination?'
Miriam says, 'Oy vey, has it come to this? OK, give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.'”

#9. “Miriam, an old, Jewish grandmother was giving directions to her Jewish son who was coming to visit with his wife. It was the first time he had visited her since she had moved to her new apartment.
“You come to the front door of the condominium complex.  I am in apartment 2B,” Miriam says. “There is a big panel at the door.  With your elbow push button 2B. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow hit 2.  When you get out I am on the left.  With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Mother, that sounds easy,” replies the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
Miriam gasps, “You’re coming to visit me empty handed?””

#10. “Last year, just before Hanukkah, Miriam, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown up grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. 'You come to the front door of the condominium complex.  I am in apartment 2B.'
Miriam continued, 'There is a big panel at the door.  With your elbow push button 2B. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow hit 2.  When you get out I am on the left.  With your elbow, hit my doorbell.'
'Grandma, that sounds easy,' replied Jonathan, the grandson, 'but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow.'
To which she answered, 'You're coming to visit empty handed?'†”

Happy Hanukkah Jokes and Puns


#11. “Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday celebrated for eight days and nights. It starts on the 25th of the Jewish month of Kislev, which coincides with late November - late December on the secular calendar.
In Hebrew, the word "hanukkah" means "dedication." The name reminds us that this holiday commemorates the rededication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem following the Jewish victory over the Syrian-Greeks in 165 BCE [Before the Christian Era]”

#12. “10) Three Men And A Bubbie
9) A Few Hood Mentches
8) The Cohenheads
7) The Rocky Hora Picture Show
6) Shalom Alone
5) Goyz `N The Hood
4) A Gefilte Fish Called Wanda
3) The Wizard Of Oys
2) Who Framed Roger Rabbi?
1) Prelude To A Bris”

#13. “A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Oh my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."”

#14. “12. You can't be nailed to the menorah
11. More elephants in the Hanukkah story
10. No roof damage from reindeer
9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones
8. Dance of the Sugar-Plum Rebbe
7. Betting Hanukkah gelt on candle races
6. Yes, Rivka'le, there is no Santa Claus
5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games
4. Fun waxy buildup
3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth
2. Cheer optional
1. No Irving Berlin songs (or Mel Torme' either!)”

#15. “O, dradle dradle dradle I made you out of clay, dradle dradle dradle with dradle I shall play! Everyone loves a little Hanukkah (or Chanukah if you prefer). Christmas is only one (or two if you count Christmas Eve) days a year, but Hanukkah is an entire eight days! Sadly, there seems to be a dearth of Hanukkah jokes on the internet, something I felt we should rectify. Christmas hogs the limelight in this season anyways, its Hanukkah’s turn!”

Funny Hanukkah Jokes for Adults


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